Attention Stephen King, Scott Turow, Dave Barry, Mitch Albom, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson, Greg Iles, Roy Blount Jr., James McBride, Matt Groening, Kathi Kamen Goldmark, Frank McCourt, and Andy Borowitz, better known as the “Rock Bottom Remainders”: Your literary talent knows no bounds, but you need a real musician/novelist crossover person if you truly want to be the best “garage band of letters” in the world. I am volunteering for the position.

You see, this, for me, would be the zenith of my entrée into the world of publishing. As I look up and down your august lineup, something is missing. Sure you have Ivy League wordsmiths. But what you don’t have is Berklee. Berklee College of Music is the greatest conservatory of modern music on planet earth. It has also now produced two novelists: myself, and my home girl Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez. I cannot speak for Alisa, but I, for one, have yet to be invited to jam with you.

I majored in voice and piano, composition and arranging. I could be the straw that stirs your drink, the glue that holds you together, the arranger who is stranger. I can even write original material for you. Only know 3 chords? Not a problem. Less is more. I’ve worked with worse. As to lyric writing, I won’t even get in the way when you trip over yourselves to pitch in a line or two.

So consider this offer an open one. I see you will be performing at a BEA after-party. My synth is in my gig bag and I can be ready on a moment’s notice. Have your editors call my editors.