Just checked the Book of the Month Club sales listings for new releases. Not only am I still not in last place, I have moved up to 17th, surpassing W.E.B. Griffin as well as the new slash-and-burn Hillary book. A rise to #1 is far too much to ask, but I remain 4 places behind Walter the Farting Dog. This cannot be. I refuse to stand downwind from a flatulent dog. And so, dear friends, the time is now. Go to the Club and buy my book. Together, we can beat the dog.

Thank you.