Now that we’ve walked through the logical chronology of searching for a literary agent, as I strive not to hit you with nothing more than the cliches and drivel you can find most anywhere, allow me to free associate and hit upon random remaining points of interest:
Rejection (again): I once came upon a website dedicated to the discussion of literary rejection letters. This had to have been the single dumbest idea for a website in the history of mankind. 95% of all rejection letters are form letters. If one cannot discern this from reading said letter, one obviously has a reading comprehension problem and thus is most likely a poor writer to boot. That frustrated wannabes would gnash their teeth over how one agent or another chose to verbalize a generic rejection baffles me. Consider all rejections “form rejections” unless it very specifically discusses your manuscript (“…I realized I could not enthusiastically represent your work when I came to the part in chapter 2 where Sam eats the live ferret.”).
This brings up the issue of critique. If you get even the most negative critique, you should still feel blessed. Agents get way too many submissions to have time to give critiques. Which means A) don’t be offended by a bad one and B) in general, don’t ever ask for one. Furthermore, do not EVER argue with a critique from an agent. They rejected you; what else is there to talk about? There’s no sense arguing; move along.
I’ve said it before, but I shall repeat: Do not ever get angry. I signed with my agent in March of 2005. A few months prior to that, another agent had asked for a few chapters, claimed to have liked it, asked for the balance, then was never heard from again. This is a major agent with major clients. No names; don’t ask me. I gently and professionally followed up, but continued to receive no response. Once I signed with my agent, I dropped the matter for good. THE FOURTH HOUSE came out June 1, 2007. I finally got a form rejection letter from this first agent in May of 2007. In other words, I waited 2 1/2 years to get a form rejection — from someone who read part of the manuscript and claimed to have liked it and wanted more. Yes, I was tempted to send this person a copy of my published novel with a dead cockroach in it or some other such nonsense, but I talked myself out of it. It would only make me look bad and it’s too small a world out there.
Do not re-query someone. Once you’ve been rejected, you’ve been rejected.
If and when you do get an agent, most of the good ones have editorial experience and will want to help you reshape your manuscript for submission to publishing houses. Be prepared to be malleable. No one will work with a new author who cannot take editing suggestions. This begins with your agent. Once you’re J.K. Rowling, do whatever the hell you want, but not when you’re a nobody. Furthermore, once you’ve signed a deal with an agent, that deal can be broken with notice given. In other words, if the agent discovers that you are a flaming ass, they can alert you in writing that they no longer wish to represent you.
Some agents say they will only work with a writer who was recommended to them by another writer or industry professional whom they know and trust. I really wish they wouldn’t do this. See, some writers think this is an excuse to start sending Stephen King their manuscripts in hopes that he will drop what he is doing, read it, then pantingly race down to New York to inform his agent that he must take on this new literary voice or he shall seek other representation.
It doesn’t work that way. Published writers are too busy writing to act as “bird dogs” for their agents. While writing my book, I asked writers WHO WERE ALREADY MY FRIENDS if they would look it over and critique it. And since they were real friends, they did so. But I NEVER asked them to try to get me representation. But that’s me. If a writer is a GOOD friend of yours, maybe you will think differently and want to ask such a favor, but PLEASE don’t bug writers who are total strangers. You will only hate them when they turn you down.
Self-publishing: There’s a popular myth going around: If you self-publish and sell a lot of copies of your book, agents will flock to sign you.
Rarely.
See, there is a finite number of readers for your novel. Really. There are very few super-gigantic books that everyone has to read and own (To Kill a Mockingbird, Catcher in the Rye, etc.). If you got all your family and friends to buy copies, then did a ton of local promotion as well as some really good targeted PR and sold a few thousand copies total, there may not really be a lot more people who want your book. You will have saturated your best markets already. Agents and publishers are hip to this. That’s why when you hear tales of self-published books getting picked up and becoming best-sellers, it is usually some really inventive non-fiction book that has an immense potential market that stretches world-wide (The One-Minute Manager, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, etc.).
My advice is that if you want to be nationwide or worldwide, on the NY Times bestseller list, and getting your film rights optioned, then first try to get a literary agent. That’s your key to being published at a major house and having all those other great things happen. Be patient. If you fail at that, you can THEN always go to the smaller houses that accept unagented works or you can self-publish.
Class dismissed.
Peace,
Kerry